Derek Coward’s Noise

Very little takes me back to high school like seeing videos of video games from that time.

These were only three of my favorites. I might try and find some videos of more.

I am not a big fan of Skype and haven’t been one for a long time. On the flip side, I have always liked Microsoft products for some reason. I just hope Microsoft can straighten Skype out or if they can’t, put them out of their misery.

The whole eBay/Skype thing didn’t make much sense to me. I know they thought that it would help buyer/seller communication but who really wants that? The best part about eBay was that you didn’t have to waste time talking with other people. You just clicked a bunch of times and a few days later you got your stuff in the mail.

The only time you should ever want to talk to someone is when you had a problem and needed to contact Tech Support, but since eBay always tried to stay above little things like buyer/seller disputes, it seemed odd that they would want to get involved, even in such a peripheral way.

I hope Microsoft gets their money’s worth. Part of me doubts it, but I wouldn’t be broken hearted if I was proven wrong.

I was walking around minding my own business when I got a phone call.

Me: Hello?

Him: Hello. Is this Derek?

Me: Yes.

Him: Hello, Derek. My name is (something I couldn’t hear properly) and I’m calling from (again something unintelligible) Insurance Company. My manager and I found your resume online and we think your skill set will be a good fit from a position at our company.

Me: Oh, OK.

Him: The position is for an entry level Insurance Sales position and (more unintelligible stuff I couldn’t hear because of his connection but was definitely from a script)…

Me: Wait a minute, I have a question.

Him: (obviously ticked off because I interrupted his script reading) Sure…

Me: You said you’re calling me because of my skill set. What part of my resume makes you think I would be a good candidate?

Him: According to your resume, you were a Data Analyst…

Me: And so you think that being a Data Analyst somehow translates into Sales.

Him: Well, no but…

Me: (being an interrupting dick) So what was it on my resume that makes you think I would be good or even interested in Insurance Sales?

Him: Well, you have a lot of work experience and we don’t really look for Sales experience. We will train anyone who we think has a…

Me: So work experience is all I need?

Him: (sounding a bit desperate to get off the phone with me) Yes, can I set up an appointment so you can meet with my manager?

Me: (ignoring what he said beyond ‘Yes’) So the only real particular skill set I need in this case is to be unemployed and looking for a job?

Him: (long very noticeable pause) Well… (another one) Yes.

Me: I don’t think this would be for me.

Him: Me either

With that, one of us hung up the phone. I’ll let you be the judge about which of us it was.

Has it occurred to anybody that the reason the Conservative governors are trying so hard to bust the public unions is because they cannot outsource those jobs overseas, like private corporations have done to weaken the private unions?

When the unions are busted, the Democratic Party will then get rid of all pretense of caring for the poor and middle class. On the other hand, in order to keep the populace distracted, look for better TV shows and mind altering substances to hit the street.

The more I think about it, the more it seems like one of the people in charge (not the politicians, we all know they aren’t really in charge) was a big fan of the TV show ‘Max Headroom’ because it seems like we are heading in that direction.

A judge oversentences kids to private detention facilities in exchange for a kickback. This seems like a modern day slave trade to me. Unfortunately, I seriously doubt if he gets the harshest sentence available to him. However, I wonder how many other judges do something like this.

Recently I mentioned my rules for creating on Twitter. I have them written in a notebook, but I don’t think I have ever stated them on a podcast or put them in a blog post.

Remember that these rules apply to me and don’t reflect how I see what other people do.

1. Don’t overthink a project, just do it.
2. Do your best, despite what others might think.
3. No one cares about your stuff like you do. Don’t expect them to.
4. If you don’t like it, don’t release it.
5. Act as if your stuff is the best there ever was and ever will be. If it isn’t, don’t admit there is anything better.

There are others, but they are more situational (‘”write when you have to, but otherwise speak”) or extremely common sense (“If you don’t know something, either learn it or find somebody who can answer your questions”).

One of the oddest, but strangely brilliant, blog ideas I have seen in a long time was the ‘Garfield Minus Garfield’ site where someone took the original Garfield comic strips but removed Garfield. According to the website it is “…a site dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb.” The comic strip isn’t as much funny as it is sad. And successful, instead of suing the site out of existence, the owners of Garfield allowed a book of the altered strips to be sold (which probably gives them a nice little cut for work they already did).

Since it was idea that worked once, it just has to work again, right? Well, enter ‘Dilbert minus Dilbert’, which is the same basic idea as ‘Garfield minus Garfield’ but with (to me at least) a lot less creative success. While ‘G-G’ seems like the mental deterioration of a single person, ‘D-D’ doesn’t seem to make much sense at all. And not in a ‘nonsensical but still designed to make to you think about other things’ way, but more in a ‘something’s missing and it’s pretty obvious it is missing’ way.

I suppose that has a lot to do with the source material. Garfield is a gag strip aimed at children which revolves around a very small cast of characters, while Dilbert is much more complex and adult in its approach to the same three panel format. It has been a while since I read either strip, but if I remember Garfield was set-up, set-up, punchline (like most classic gag strips), while Dilbert was set-up, joke, aftermath.

I’m not a comic strip expert, so I will let others more familiar with the craft make the final judgement, but to me, it seems like what works in one instance just flat out doesn’t work in another.

To get the ‘Garfield minus Garfield’ book, click on the image below:

I stopped following baseball when they went to interleague play. I am one of those old school guys who thinks the only two times the American and National Leagues should meet are during the All-Star Game and The World Series.  To me, any other meetings are meaningless in the grand scheme of things. To the Major League Baseball people, it’s all about increased attendance. They are doing what is right for their bottom line and I am doing what it right to free up some of my free time. It is a fair trade in my book.

Since I haven’t been following baseball closely (or even loosely) since the mid 90s, I really wasn’t paying attention to the Steroid scandals of a few years ago. Every now and then I will hear a name and it will catch me by surprise a little. (Have you heard about Roger Clemens? That one threw me.)

I decided to watch the 2001 Home Run Derby on MLB Network (HD of course) and since I wasn’t too sure who some of them were, I looked them up on Google. I was surprised by the fates of the participants:

Todd Helton – In 2005, a radio broadcaster named Wayne Hagin said manager Don Baylor said he thought Helton used steroids in the 90s, but later walked those comments back and said he was talking about “supplements, creatine, not steroids”. Helton has denied any steroid use.

Jason Giambi – In 2004, he admitted taking steroids to a grand jury who was investigating the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative (BALCO).

Sammy Sosa – In 2003, he tested positive for steroids in 2003.

Troy Glaus – He is reported to have used steroids in the 2003 and 2004 seasons.

Luis Gonzales – There were rumors of steroid use, but as far as I know, they were all unsubstantiated.

Bret Boone – In Jose Canseco’s book ‘Juiced’, he implied that he took steroids.

Barry Bonds – In 2007, he was indicted on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice for testifying he never knowingly took steroids during the BALCO trial.

Alex Rodriguez – In February 2009, he admitted to using steroids from 2001 to 2003 while playing for the Texas Rangers.

I didn’t even bother seeing who won the derby because since then, most of these guys have done harm to the game and I really don’t feel the need to see them at the height of their “abilities” and turned it off.

1. Kool Thing – I have always liked this song because of the connection to the rap world (Chuck D’s vocals and the fact the song was originally written about LL Cool J), but it’s appearance in Hal Hartley’s ‘Simple Men’ put it over the top for me.

2. 100 Percent – I’ve never been sure if the lyrics are about a serial rapist/murderer, but I like the cadence of the words along with the music.

3. My Friend Goo – This song has the tendancy to get stuck in me head for days.

4. Moist Vagina – I like Moist Vagina, what else is there to say?

5. Bull In The Heather – This song made me go out and buy Experimental Jet Set Trash And No Star after hearing it once.

OK, I admit it. I cannot run Filezilla, GIMP 2, iTunes, GOM Player, Chrome (with two tabs open), Firefox (with five tabs open), Task Manager and Notepad++ all at the same time and still expect for my laptop to not move slower than a kid going to clean his room. I’ll close some things.