Derek Coward’s Noise

Pork
Milk
Corn
Rye
Beans
Peas
Pepper
Brewer’s Yeast
Eggs
Codfish

UPDATE: Tomato. I can’t believe I forgot that one.
UPDATE 2: Garlic and lamb should also be on the list.

I’m pretty sure there may be at least one more, but I cannot remember it right now. I will update this post if I can remember what it was.

Does anyone have any recipes that doesn’t include any of these ingredients?

I am going into the hospital today for an outpatient procedure (Hint: It rhymes with Schmolonoscopy) and therefore have been on a clear liquid diet for the past 24 hours.  In fact, the last solid thing I ate was a plate of crab legs on Saturday night (delicious by the way). Since then I have had lots of water, some chicken broth and some Jello.

What should I eat afterwards? Any suggestions?

Maybe I’m missing something, but I get the impression that a lot of people don’t realize that apathy is not the same as negativity. There is a big difference between saying “I don’t care about that” and “I don’t like that.” It is very possible to look at a situation or circumstance that makes other people happy or sad and come away thinking “I don’t care about that.” However, to some, if you verbalize that apathy, you are saying “I don’t like that.”

There will be people who won’t care about this post and there will be people who don’t like it. I won’t get bent out of shape because I can tell the difference.

Not that this will make a difference to anyone but me, but I have always preferred ‘Don’t You Want Me Baby’ by The Human League to ‘Tainted Love’ by Soft Cell. And to top it off, I like ‘Promises Promises’ by Naked Eyes more than both of them.

I have been trying to figure out my favorite Sinead O Connor song. I have it down to Mandinka, Jackie, Troy, Just Like You Said It Would Be, Feel So Different, Success Has Made A Failure Of Our Home, Am I Not Your Girl and Daddy I’m Fine.

I realize that most of these are not her mainstream hits, but if I were to make a “Best Of”, these songs would definitely be on it.

I think it is easy to say that one of my biggest fans is my son Stephen. I am learning how to use my new (to me) Wacom Bamboo and it is going slow. I am not a very good drawer under the best of circumstances and learning to draw on something other than paper has taken my “skills” and marginalized them even more.

However, every time I start drawing a picture, Stephen comes over to me and tells me that it is awesome and he wishes how he could draw like me. I am really honored that he likes it but more often than not, I restart GIMP and mutter “Sorry son, but it sucks.” Each and every time.

I need to remember that he watches everything I do because I notice that he has been throwing away unfinished drawings because he is totally dissatisfied with how they look. I wonder how much of that is because he is trying to improve and how much of that is because he is imitating me.

I could get up early stand in a line with a bunch of strangers who will turn openly hostile the second the doors open so that we can all fight over things that we don’t really need but are 40 to 60 percent off of the regular price.

OR

I can stay at home in my nice warm bed and sleep.

Guess which one I am going to do?

If I ever have a phone conversation that includes the phrase “I’m calling about a personal matter.” I’m answering with “Oh, I’m sorry, this phone is only for business matters. You’ll have to call a different line.”

And if they ask for the personal number, I will tell them “I’m sorry, I can’t give out personal information on the business line.”

And so on and so forth.

Yes, I want to be an asshole when I grow up.

It has been an entire week since my six year old son last wet the bed. We told him that if he could go seven straight days without wetting the bed, we would get him a surprise. This morning was day seven of seven. Before the seven days, there were a few days where we had to reset the clock, but not anymore.

I’m not a big believer of bribing children for acceptable behavior, but this is different. There are really only three options that I could see: 1) bribery, which is the path we took; 2) punishment, which is pretty futile in a case like bedwetting because I think it will only compound the “problem” which is pretty routine for six year old boys and 3) resigning myself to doing a lot of laundry, which had gotten old really quick.

Yesterday, we told him that if he was able to go seven days, he couldn’t just start peeing in the bed again on Day Eight. I pointed out that he has proven to us that he was able to either hold it or get up and go to the bathroom, so there is no reason to start bedwetting again. We also pointed out how proud of him we were.

We have no idea what kind of surprise to get for him, but he knows it won’t be something extravagant, but instead it will be something special for him because he earned it.

Some of my friends without children might not see what a huge accomplishment this is (but really isn’t not cleaning up urine soaked bedclothes a good thing?), but trust me, this is huge. I have been through a lot with my kids: first steps, first periods, first dates and first children and I rank this up there with the best of times.