Tonight I will be sleeping on the couch. Not because of any fight that Patti and I had, but rather because I have really bad heartburn. It may have been a residual effect from the burritos and beer I had for dinner last night. Or the nachos with the leftover taco meat, black beans, salsa, cheese and hot sauce on top I had for breakfast. Or the greasy fried chicken I had for dinner. Don’t know, don’t care.
Unfortunately every time I get really bad heartburn, I think about my late father. He thought he had really bad acid reflux. When he finally got it checked out, it turned out that his GERD was actually cancer in several organs (stomach, liver, colon and pancreas, I think). Since I am already prone to thinking most of my ailments are cancer related (I once thought that a case of athlete’s foot was some rare form of skin cancer), each moment that I have acid induced insomnia just makes me think that I am a few weeks from death.
When my health insurance kicks in at work, I can go get things checked out and get a physical for Stephen. Hopefully I only have two more weeks to wait.
I’m not expecting anything bad to happen, but at the same time I know how quickly things can go wrong. Years ago, I was let go on Day 88 of a 90 day contract, when I was expecting to get hired in on a permanent basis. I wasn’t the only one out of a job that day, all of the other temp workers and a lot of permanent employees were let go as well. I just remember feeling blindsided by that and it has helped me develop a certain anxiety about work that I keep with me no matter how long I am employed by a company. I worked at my last job for six years and I never kept any personal stuff on my desk.
I hope this is just my body telling me to lay off the spicy and allergenic foods and not my body’s way of telling me “Prepare to walk towards the light.”